Not Sure My Place.

Today is a weird day. I sent an email to Brandee yesterday, asking a simple question. She once asked me NOT to email her. But I did anyways because I'm not seeing her as my counselor anymore, and thought it would be ok. Then I got to thinking... probably it's NOT ok. So at lunch I called and left a message explaining that I wasn't sure of my status since I'm technically not a client anymore, but am I still considered one? Could be. In which case I really shouldn't have emailed her. So I asked for a response to clarify the best way to contact her every now and then. Amongst my message I put in there that if I DIDN'T hear from her, I would know she doesn't want me to contact her at all. Now I regret saying that because I have not heard from her yet. And I am greatly disappointed.

She doesn't usually reply to any type of communication. Which causes me to wonder what good the the communication does for the client at all. They always make it clear, "you can call me, or write me a letter, anytime." And then you do, and there's never a response. I don't get it. Makes me feel very ignored.

So right now, I'm stewing a little bit... knowing it's only been a short time, and that there's still today left before the common courtesy of a response within 24 hours has expired. I don't expect I'll hear from her. But that makes me angry and upset inside. So while 95% of me knows she will remain silent to my reaching out, there is 5% of me that holds a glimmer of hope that she'll at least call back and answer my question.

I tell you, this woman has brought about more emotion in me than I EVER expected. If I had known this would happen at the beginning, I would have thought twice about going to counseling at all.

Somewhere out there, they say miracles can happen. I'm just not sure if I'm in the right line.

Can someone please tell me MY PLACE???